Tag Archives: life

Or You Could Try Not Being a Dick

Check out the below eye roll inducing video. For those who don’t want to watch, some Texas idiot decided based on his extensive legal expertise of…well, not being a lawyer, that’s for damn sure, he was going to a disobey … Continue reading

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Presenting National Day Drunk Day!!!

So today is “National Donut Day.” I’ve been hearing about it all day, watching Dunking Donuts and Starbucks use it as a marketing scheme, and I have to admit, I’m annoyed. I’m annoyed because while overeaters get the opportunity to … Continue reading

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The Mystery Bruise

I have a bruise on my ass. It’s not a little one. It’s one of those scary “Tupac black” bruises that leaves pasty white people like me wondering if we have leukemia. It’s large and black, and in the shape … Continue reading

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Essa Buys a New Phone

It was an early Friday morning when I received an ominous text message from T-Mobile. Dear valued customer; Please note that the outrageously out of date phone that you’re currently using will no longer be supported by our network as … Continue reading

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The Ghost In The House

Take a look through my archives and note how many of my posts talk about how heavily I drink. If you will, you might start to assume that I’m an alcoholic. I’m not. Not even remotely, but the symptoms are … Continue reading

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You Can Get As Fat As You Want…Just Don’t Expect Me To Kiss Your Ass About It

When I was a child, my father shared a sage piece of advice with me. No one in the world gives a shit if you’re sad. Get over it and get me another beer. It genuinely was the nicest 3rd … Continue reading

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Too Pretty To Smoke

I have an extensive listing of things that are bad for me that I continue to do. I drink, I have promiscuous sex, I refuse to get a real job and I drive a car that’s brake system is the … Continue reading

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Essa Creates a Religion…or Maybe a Cult

I’ve never been a particularly religious person. That’s probably because every major religion I’ve ever looked into (with the exception of Wicca, which I just find strange) tends to treat women more like accessories than people. Those of us without … Continue reading

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No, I’m Not a Man

“Women can’t be funny.” This is a statement I hear a lot. I’m not sure where it came from, but the earliest instance I know of occurs in a 1695 article written by William Congreve, which states; “I must confess … Continue reading

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I’m Starting to Wonder if There’s Anyone Bill Cosby Hasn’t Raped

Yeah, that title will probably get people sending hate comments without reading everything else I’m going to write, but I’m leaving it. In case you’re part of my massive Amish following and don’t have access to the internet, let me … Continue reading

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