Essa Alroc

Once upon a time, Essa was a full time corporate employee, working in a little blue cubicle, handling pretty big lawsuits for an absolutely huge company. She had a regular paycheck, a 401k, health insurance…and she was absolutely miserable.

Then one day, in the land of the blue cubicles, Essa took a stand.  Ok, not so much of a stand as a massive breakdown flip out. While Essa would need to consult her probation paperwork for the exact details of her termination, she is almost sure it involved recommending to a client that he shove one appendage up another, less pleasant, appendage.

That was when Essa discovered a magical new world. It was a world where people hired her to do something that she was already pretty good at. It was a world where people paid her to use her magic pen and make them sound smart.

To date, Essa has written technical manuals for some of the largest software developers in the country. She has also ghostwritten over 50 nonfiction works in the realms of finance, law, psychology, business, and even how-to manuals on how to pick up chicks. In short, she is a literary whore.

When she’s not writing for clients, she’s writing for herself. Essa publishes pulp fiction as well as snarky blog posts on a regular basis. Check out the “Books by Essa” page for more info on her books, and “Responses to Hate Mail” for more info on her snark. Please note that none of Essa’s books contain vampires or graphic sex scenes, as Essa hates vampires and graphic sex scenes.

Feel free to contact her about your non-fiction project. Please note that Essa does not ghostwrite fiction, considers it unethical, and will sell your email address to spammers if you even contact her about ghostwriting your fiction novel. While she respects people who want to develop eBooks to give people information, she disdains those who would steal another person’s creative work in the interest of making money.


27 Comments on “Essa Alroc”

  1. Andrew says:

    I usually fantasize about my cubicle being the pilot room of a zeppelin, so reading yours was quite terrifying. But once I distanced myself from the thought, it was actually really funny. Carry on.

  2. PAZ says:

    Why not just burn the entire building like the guy from Office Space? ;)

  3. fivereflections says:

    hello nice to met you Essa
    thanks for following
    David in Maine USA

  4. H.E. ELLIS says:

    Drop me a quick line: heellisgoa (at) gmail (dot) com.

    I’ve got some interview questions for you if you’d like to answer them for a feature post I’d like to do for you on Sept. 27th. Thanks!

  5. Yep. Read two of your post. I’m now following the shit out of you. Well done.

  6. Ritu KT says:

    Came across your blog today through Freshly Blessed and I must ask, “Where the hell were you hiding for the past 6 months?” I have been in search of blogs that make me laugh for such a long time now. You are hilarious and I just love your writing style. Following you immediately!

    • Ritu KT says:

      Hahaha.. Freshly Blessed (read it Freshly Pressed). Urgh! Typos.

      • essaalroc says:

        In all fairness, if I was a religious person, I’d call it Freshly Blessed too. My traffic has been crazy! But thanks so much and I hope you enjoy my site. I have no set posting schedule. I generally just write whenever something pisses me off. So you can probably expect a new post about, um, 7000 times a week. :)

  7. redtearsblackwings says:

    Ha I love it! Yelling at the news is always a fun past time, I do it often as well. You have some very interesting things to say.

  8. My daughter just introduced me to your blog today. You have a fabulous sense of humor. Just bought us both one of your books for Kindle today. I expect we will be thoroughly entertained. Thanks for writing something worth reading. I love it when people are straight shooters and you definitely are!

  9. wrampage says:

    Could you add the apology to good reads please. I loved it and I’d like to be able to review it. Thanks, can’t wait to read everything else you’ve written.

  10. Hi, I nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Check it out: http://katrinasworks.com/

  11. Shannon says:

    I’ve nominated you for a Versatile Blog Award. Check out the deets here: http://thefoodiefarmer.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/huh-who-knew/

  12. [...] Essa Alroc of Essa on Everything.   This is a woman with a no holds barred libertarian attitude.  Nothing is sacred and everything is fair game.  She makes no apologies for  herself, or for that matter, anyone else.  Be sure to wear a flak jacket when you read her blog.  Attitude style: female George Carlin. [...]

  13. marksackler says:

    Hi Essa…You have been nominated for my BLAHS award. Make sure all your followers vote early and often. http://millenniumconjectures.com/2013/01/27/blahs-3-women-with-an-attitude-you-pick-it/

  14. [...] a hotly contested battle, 529 ballots were cast, at least 400 of them by voters other than me.  Essa edged out Clotilda by a nose, even though I am pretty sure her nose is not the favorite part of her [...]

  15. [...] interview with Essa! Moving along to more important matters, Essa Alroc, author and blogger, was kind enough to interview me and plaster it on her corner of the interwebs, [...]

  16. xtrememom says:

    I just stumbled on your comments to Randall over on I-am-Tom-Nardone’s blog. Bravo, ma’am.

    You have a new reader… and accomplice, if you ever need help say… burying the bodies.
    Your sharp wit and sense of humor are simply AWESOME.

    I’m looking forward to reading your posts.

    • essaalroc says:

      Thank you kindly. I enjoy writing blog posts, but I really enjoy getting into fights with trollers. :) Trust me, you’ll see alot around here. Occasionally, I let one or two through to bloody up the waters and practice my sarcasm. ;)

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