I Am Going to Die Alone – The Annual Forage Into Online DatingPosted: February 16, 2013
Every year, come Spring, all my friends start online dating. They take their prettiest pictures, set up their accounts and hit the internet to find love. They always seem to have better luck than me. I think its because they’re older and they don’t have as many 25 year old idiots sending them messages. Twenty-five year olds seem to think that a message includes a one word text and a picture of them taking a picture of themselves in their bathroom mirrors. So, it’s probably the age range my friends are looking in that makes them so lucky.
That, and they’re also not bitches like me.
Online dating can be kind of difficult for a judgmental bitch like myself because when some idiot sends me a generic spam message, I respond in the following manner
When that same spammer gets pissed because I called him on it and starts with the standard “your not that hot/sour grapes bullshit”, I respond like this.
So meanwhile, when my friends are saying things like “oh, yeah, I’m going out this weekend with that doctor I met online,” I say, “I’m going to stay home and wish cancer on every guy who even attempts to contact me.”
If you can believe it, the guy that I wrote that email to asked me out less than five minutes later. Guess some dudes like getting slapped around. I said no. I love slapping dudes around, but I prefer it when they can slap back. Otherwise there’s no challenge.
Anyway, I lasted a whopping two weeks this year. I think I’m going to go back to the way I usually handle meeting new people…by handing my business card out in bulk at bars.