Thanks Lance
Posted: January 15, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: comedy, current-events, humor, lance armstrong, life, news, people, sports, writing 12 Comments »I’m not taking off my Livestrong bracelet. Not just because its tattooed on my wrist. No, I’m not taking off my Livestrong bracelet because I understand what Lance Armstrong is going through.
I also use performance enhancing drugs. Maybe I should come out to Oprah now, before I get famous. Oprah, if it wasn’t for controlled substances, I’d probably never get anything done.
In all honesty, I really don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Based on the articles I’ve researched, damn near every athlete out there uses nutritional supplements to help their performance. Apparently, the only drugs that get banned are the ones that actually work.
Armstrong has been denying the use of performance enhancing drugs since before the bike was even invented. Now he’s telling the truth and I could give a shit less. The dude won the Tour de France 7 times…with one nut. Now, I don’t have nuts, but I’m assuming that makes it incredibly hard to balance. In the interest of fairness, they should have been offering him performance enhancing drugs from the beginning, as he teetered on a rock hard bicycle seat with one testicle.
And he did it all for cancer. Seriously, Livestrong has made over $400 million in charitable donations for cancer research. That cancer research money, and all the advances that were made thanks to that money, were all directly related to Armstrong’s lies. So let me be the first to say ‘thanks for lying Lance’, because apparently people only give a shit about curing cancer when an athlete is telling them to.
In case the world hasn’t noticed, none of these athletes are saints. They get into fights, they use drugs, and they cheat and steal. In the beginning, we put them on a pedestal because they have giant leg muscles. When they do something wrong, we publicly lambast them and take it personally. Can anyone really blame them for lying?
It happens all the damn time. Tiger Woods got mutilated for being a rich pervert, despite the fact that the two generally go hand in hand. Michael Phelps practically won the goddamn Olympics over all, and he gets kicked in the nuts for taking a bong hit. Armstrong teeters to victory on one ball and some steroids, 7 damn times, and he gets flayed for 10 years because he won’t admit to something that’s going to get him attacked even more.
On Oprah, no less. That chick is scary. I still flinch when I think of that ‘Million Little Pieces’ dude.
Our CEO’s and big businesses get away with lying every day. In fact, there are some scientific studies that say most people lie several times a day without even thinking about it. The difference between our lies, the CEO’s lies and Lance Armstrong’s lies?
Neither our lies nor those CEO lies have ever raised $400 million for cancer research. Thanks Lance.
Well said!!!
Spot on!
You know, I started reading this post thinking I would semi-disagree with it, but I totally agree. You stated it perfectly. The only thing in the back of my mind was “I wonder if all those people who have also survived cancer feel less inspired by him?” WTF. NO. They all survived cancer, who cares why/how/who inspired them. Your last line is just perfect, too!!
Hot damn, Essa. You tell it like it is!
I know.
Sometimes the ends justify the means. I believe this to be one of those cases.
Absolutely. People should just back the hell off of bashing him. He’s done more good than any ten athletes who used performance enhancing drugs so they could get rich or famous. Only stupidity would make someone equate the motivations behind their actions and put Lance in the same category as the others.
It’s gotten to the point where a pro athlete may have to start carrying around tiny cameras to monitor their every activity – EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED ACTIVITY! I have to admit I use performance-enhancing drugs, too: Red Bull & teeth whitening gel. I mean, who doesn’t have their vices and addictions? That the U.S. Justice Department may consider bringing some kind of criminal charges against Armstrong is even more absurd! Why the hell don’t they bring charges against the people who almost destroyed the banking and housing industries in this country and plunged us into this deep recession? This nation has its priorities screwed up!
I know. It got me going to. I actually saw a comment from someone on AOL that I was “I feel so betrayed!” and I was like “WTF lady, you’ve never even met the guy!” Athletes get put under a microscope, while those who actually have real responsibility (bankers and Wall street) do whatever they damn well feel like with no repercussions.
Well said Essa, does it really matter if he raised all of that money for cancer research? I don’t think so.
[...] Essa [...]
You are dead to rights.
Preach! Most athletes that break records did it with vices. At least this guy did some good with his achievements. I don’t care that he used steroids. They are making way too big a deal about this. It’s not like he used his empire to run a child sex slave ring. They need to calm it down. But they are using him for ratings and views.