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There Is a Difference Between Looking and Leering

And that difference can get you maced.

As part of my ongoing effort to improve the world by telling everyone else what to do, I am going to explain that difference and how to avoid getting sprayed with a corrosive chemical in todays blog.

Many men hear that eye contact is an excellent way to begin a flirtation. Unfortunately, there are far too many who don’t understand the subtle nuances of eye contact and instead wind up looking like crazed rapists. Here are some tips and tricks to help you get started with some serious eye screwing (not to be confused with skull fucking).

First, know where you stand. Head over to your mirror. I’ll wait. Ok, now, on a scale of 1 to 10, grade your appearance.  Have a grade? Good. Shave off three points.

I hate to say it, but I have noticed something that is almost always universally true. Most men seem to think they are much better looking than they are while most women find they are significantly less attractive than they are. I blame the “Hot Wife/Fat Guy” TV show pairing that I will explain in a future blog. Unless you’re suffering from some seriously low self esteem, it’s perfectly natural to think you are more attractive than you are. It’s also going to prevent you from getting laid ever again.

When beginning a flirtation, always choose someone 1 level below your own level of attractiveness.  Also, it is perfectly acceptable to give yourself 2 numbers. One for sober, one for drunk. For instance, I am a sober 6, drunk 7.  Now that you have an honest number, you know who your targets are.Your likelyhood of picking up is significantly increased when your expectations are reasonable.

Next, make eye contact and smile. Save the whole broody, intense look for the guy from Twilight.  He’s the only one who’s got it down. Everyone else who does that just manages to look like a serial killer. If you don’t smile, she’s going to expect an invite into your windowless van. No one says yes to an invite into the windowless van.














Timing is everything. Too short and she won’t notice. Too long and she’s rummaging through her purse for something to defend herself with.  If she’s Columbian, she might take it as a challenge and shank you.  2 to 5 seconds is the most acceptable time period. If you don’t know how to time it, make eye contact, then say the sentence ‘I am not a date rapist’ in your head. Remember, only say it in your head, not out loud.  That sentence is not designed to be an ice breaker, just a timer.

If she’s into you, you’ll get a smile and some eye contact in return. If not, she might look away, but at least you won’t have to take a trip to the hospital for some neutralizing eyewash.

6 thoughts on “There Is a Difference Between Looking and Leering

    • Thanks. It came to me as I was being occularly violated by a man old enough to be my father. inspiration strikes in the strangest of places. :)

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